A SOCIOPATH’S INNER TURMOIL

One very damaged man’s inner turmoil getting played out on the world stage. Americans and their politicians created this monster and are now about to experience the consequences.
Unfortunately a lot of others and particularly many of the poorest in the world are about to get hurt. 

WISCONSIN and SENATOR BOOKER HALLELUJAH!

HOPE springs eternal. It may yet be that the LIARS will be called out and telling the truth will again be at the top of America’s TO DO LIST.

INCREASING THE DISTANCE

The present American President (I’m avoiding using his name) is a very damaged person and what he does has nothing to do with politics. How he behaves is all about his own inner turmoil. And he’s got a lot of that. Unfortunately he needs it to go somewhere each and every day of his life.

Which is why I try very hard not to let any of it end up in me. Although, as one of his main aims is to produce an unsettling headline every day, it is quite hard - even if you don’t follow the news - to maintain a safe distance.

Today I thought I can’t get rid of him but I can go against what he stands for. Not in any big way but in small ways that help to increase that distance. He lies and cheats and is unkind and uncaring so every small act on my part that is the opposite of what he is and does will help to increase that distance - little by little - until I can only see a beautiful clear space between him and me.

And that’s what I’ll be doing from now on. In small ways I’ll try to be kinder and more caring and I’ll try to tell myself and others fewer lies.  

I don’t yet know what there will be in the increased space but I’m about to give it some small thoughts, of an honest and caring kind. 

HOTCH POTCH

 Is the latest album ON SANITY’S SHORE a bit of a hotch potch? Time will tell! 

A WOMAN CALLS HIM OUT

A few days ago I removed a photograph of a man who cheats and lies being called out by a woman. In the photograph he is alongside members of his complicit family. 

He needs to be seen for what he is: a very damaged vengeful person interested only in himself and who creates chaos in a vain attempt to deal with his own chaotic internal world. He cannot be trusted or negotiated with. I have decided to repost the photograph. I had been unsure if such an image and such comments belonged here but now I feel that they do. 

                            Here is how they looked while being spoken to by Dr Mariann Budde earlier this year 

I CAN’T GET AHEAD OF THE GAME

I was thinking of using this site to upload the occasional track that wasn’t suitable for the other main sites I use but doing so is more complicated than I had envisaged so I’ll need to check out how to do it! May be back soon. 

IT BEGAN AS A SONG

This small selection was aired by Rick Stuart last night. 

https://x.com/rootsandfusion/status/1773103775575638291?s=12&t=hRYknAi_SpAKCwtuseOM0Q

GLALELL

 P.S Due to my carelessness the GLALELL URL got taken over by someone in the far east and was only rediscovered a while ago.  It is now being used for a one page only site at https://www.glalell.com. You will find there a nice image of the GLASS HOUSES in the Botanic Gardens and a newly re-recorded spoken word track SOME LAST DAYS OF FUN.  This was the last track of the many on the double CD THE UNKNOWABLE NEXT. 

WILL I EVER RETURN HERE WITH SOMETHING WORTH SAYING?

Just checking in to say that and with the intention of doing something more constructive. Perhaps setting up a link to here from SKC SONGS. That might work. We’ll soon know. Or will we! 

NOT MUCH HAS CHANGED

Several months ago I wrote that I had been reflecting on the activity of writing songs and had decided I needed to rethink how I was approaching it. That thinking has continued but I have decided to keep most of my main thoughts to myself until I have something worth saying. 

ON THE ROAD GOING NOWHERE - an update

The phrase "the good enough mother" was coined by the British pediatrician and psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott in his famous book Playing and Reality.

On the Road Going Nowhere, my latest attempt at song writing, probably belongs, for me anyway, in the category of a good enough track.

I’m not yet certain that the sentiments expressed will prove to be ‘true’ but at the present time they feel that way. I have recorded several versions but am undecided about making any of them available. 

Being on the road to nowhere is not meant to be a hopeless sort of place to be in. There are millions of us on the road of not going anywhere special or anywhere in particular and who are just glad to have enough money and be well enough to get on with the tasks of ordinary everyday living.

As for all that goes on around me separate from the song writing it’s impossible not to be profoundly saddened - partly because it seems impossible to do anything significant about it- that the unrelenting and overriding drives of greed and grift which have infected so many continue to make such basic aspirations for so many others so incredibly hard to achieve. I should probably have said impossible.

As regards what writing songs can do about it. That’s a question I have repeatedly asked myself without ever getting a satisfactory answer. And yet for a very long time I have kept writing them. On the Road Going Nowhere may be a spur to some fresh thinking.

 

MORE ON THE CHARLOTTES

It has been my intention for a long time to complete this selection of material and I am hoping that updating this much earlier post will be a useful reminder.

There is a page entitled ON THE CHARLOTTES on my web site at www.sheilakcameron.com.  And the plan is to transfer the information which I first posted here to that page.

It is mostly about the songs which were written during my time of living on Haida Gwaii - referred to then as the Queen Charlotte Islands. I intend to include some comments about their content and the context in which they were written. They all belong to a particular place and time but they are also representative of one of the earlier phases of my interest in writing songs.

Then as now writing songs happened only occasionally and in no set or determined way. But perhaps it did become more of a habit when I was on the islands. And my way of working may well have been heading in that direction from its beginnings in Glasgow through a relatively brief stay in Alberta.

In the Cold Light of Day

The words for this track came from a news item which I just happened to see the day before Amber McLaughlin was executed. The words were a way of dealing with the shock I experienced the following day on reading that it had taken place. Much of my response is in the words but I did honestly think it would not happen. I foolishly felt sure such a barbaric act would be stopped. 

I can't ever recall feeling as shocked as I did on reading the news item about Amber's death and the decisions which were made. There was a vulnerability in her face in the photograph I had seen in the newspaper and her final words have stayed in my head. 

It’s not much good being upset about what happened but I wanted to make others aware of the awful way in which Amber's life ended.  

There is a free download of the words on Bandcamp on the following link https://sheilakcameron.bandcamp.com/track/in-the-cold-light-of-day

ANOTHER BACK THERE

 I’m working on a song that undoubtedly came from my own circumstances but they are nothing compared to what others are experiencing about the place they belong. 

I’m not sure yet whether it will receive the kind of arrangement which will make it more likely to get heard. But I have been once more neglecting this site and thought this song was worth a mention. 

The title is THE BACK THERE BLUES. And I expect to have more to say about it soon.

A MOVING LINK

There was a link to this blog on the home page of the web site at www.sheilakcameron.com. It used the original image which was a collage of SO SAID THE SAP . But the home page was looking a bit cluttered so it will soon be found on its own page on the site. And that page may need to get dressed up a bit with some further information. 

I’M GONNA GO BACK

The words were written and recorded with some of it sung and much of it spoken. I got it mastered by genius Geoff Allan as an acoustic only track but also put it out to be worked on. It was worked on by Brian J McNeill formerly of China Crisis and is available to be listened to on BANDCAMP and on my web site at www.skcsongs.com. It has been played by Iain Anderson on his Radio Scotland program and is on the playlist of RADIO SIX INTERNATIONAL 

 The pleasurable times are those which come with completing the words and getting a nearly complete idea of how the song might sound. All the rest is unsettling - verging on the excruciating. But now it is finished and out there I have not yet tired of it. That’s a good sign for me. I hope others will listen several times and feel the same.

An Audience of One

 Today May13th 2022 I uploaded a very small selection of spoken words to one of my main sites at www.skcsongs.com. Two of the tracks are about sadness and loss and I make no apology for that. It is saddening to wake each day to hear and know more about all the awful things that are happening in the Ukraine. 

The fourth track is more hopeful and I may re-record it sometime soon. It is entitled GOOD REAPS GOOD. The four tracks are free to download. 

It’s been a long time!

REVISITING

 It might be time to use this site again. I’m going to think about it after I publish this brief post.

 THE UNKNOWABLE NEXT

Some comments on what it is meant to be and why. Coming soon

The Girl in the Red Dress

As I was preparing the ebook companion to the double CD The Unknowable Next I became suddenly engaged with the words which began with the line A child took my hand. Without hesitation I copied them into a separate document, printed it and took it to the room where I have my main recording equipment.

I do occasionally record an idea on my iPhone and have several portable recorders but this is where I go if I am seriously intent on trying to get a ‘good recording’.  Good in that it might be a track I will choose to get mastered or will ask someone to arrange for me. 

On this occasion I became very focused and wanted to both record the words and find a tune. And I stayed with the task until I had a track which came close to what I wanted. The outcome was in no way special but it gave me enough of what I wanted for me to leave it alone – for a while anyway. No changes were made to the words I had printed.

 On moving away from recording the words I opened my iPad and discovered there was an email from the woman who is referred to in the lyric as ‘a mother’. She rarely contacts me and this was a relatively rare communication. More amazing I thought, was the video attached to the email. In one of the features of children dancing was a girl in a red dress. And this was the child, now older, who had taken my hand and ‘walked me through a garden’.

Once the song had been arranged - and I hope I am right about this – I thought it might be worth sharing as it expresses something of that loss we all know when we have to let go of a dream Or when we are having to accept that a dream we had is no longer likely to be realized.

The song can be found on my web site at www.skcsongs.com and on BANDCAMP at https://sheilakcameron.bandcamp.com/track/and-a-longing-goes-to-rest

 

 

 

 

We Could Live in a Hut

 And we nearly did.

On arriving in Masset on Haida Gwaii (known at that time as The Queen Charlotte Islands I met with a man who offered his hut as a place to stay until a room at a hotel could be negotiated. With a friend we acccepted and began cleaning the place to make it habitable for the night. The Principal of one of the schools heard we were planning to stay there and came to rescue us. 

The Unknowable Next: a book of would be lyrics

Presently being worked on as an ebook: it can best be described with the introduction below - which has just been completed

INTRODUCTION 

The words in this book were also recorded on a double CD with the same title. The book is meant to be a companion to the CDs.

About the words: they consist mostly of thoughts and ideas which at the time they occurred I had chosen to write down. They were usually written in lines and rhymes because at sometime or other - although I can’t remember exactly when - it had become a habit to do that.

Most of them began as one line with the prospect that they might become a lyric. And some of them are lyrics. Others wandered away in a different direction to become what they now are.

Only a few of the words had previously been worked on and in preparing the book I wanted them to remain that way. I knew from experience that once the process of making changes has begun it can be hard to stop and there is always a risk that what was initially written down can become something unrelated to the originally expressed thoughts or ideas. 

The reluctance to get drawn into making changes to the words has informed the eventual content of the book and two issues in particular.

Several years had gone by since the recordings were made and I was unable to locate an exact copy of the text which was used at the time. As a consequence the recorded words are not an exact match with the printed words. No attempt was made to remedy this,

Also there are several duplicates, mainly as a result of some rushed editing and having used two different kinds of title i.e. first line and made up.

The most obvious remedy was to remove them and this could have been easily achieved with the written words. There was however no easy way of making changes to the already published CDs. I have opted instead to explain the situation and apologize for any confusion this might cause. 

The track lists from the recordings are being used for the indices in the book and although the playing times of the recordings may not be of interest to the reader they have been retained for any interested listener. 

The recorded words are on two CDs: DISC ONE and DISC TWO and the printed words are in two parts PART ONE and PART TWO. 

Written or spoken there are seventy seven items in nine sections. The titles for both have been kept the same. 

DISC ONE: PART ONE

1. The Inescapable Road

2. Heartbreak Land and Thereabouts

3. On the Road to Sundrie

4. The Bay and Beyond

5. Out There Somewhere

DISC TWO: PART TWO

1. If it Had Not Been So Dark

2. So Said the Sap

3. Clown in a Pram

4. The Unknowable Next 

There is a separate concluding track entitled Some Last Days of Fun

A selection of the recorded words can be heard and downloaded from Bandcamp at https://sheilakcameron.bandcamp.com/album/the-unknowable-select

 

 

 

OLD DOCUMENT SCAN

 And it could be called a SAP SCAN. 

I have been scanning the documents from an old folder. They began with my first letter to the BBC in which I was requesting an audition. I had been encouraged to do this after meeting with several people who worked at the Glasgow Drama College. But the person who guided me in what to say in the letter was the Secretary. 

It did result in a few radio performances but this post is more about my overall impression of all I had tried to do as a singer, a songwriter and then - as it became apparent in the last few documents - as a writer. 

And the words which have stayed with me are that throughout this endeavour I had been asking the wrong questions of the wrong people. And I’ll leave it there for now.

It’s good to be back on the Sap site. There is a strong feeling of belonging which I am thoroughly enjoying.

NINE RHYMES

The first rhyme is entitled THAT'S IT -  although it does have a longer alternative one called SMOTHER THE OTHER. I have recorded a version with a very basic accompaniment using a cajon. It  may need to be re-recorded so for now it is staying out of view.

The NEGLECTED Sap

The Sap has been neglected and I wonder if there is a reason. I'd like it to be that I no longer feel like a Sap, or that I no longer feel as much of a Sap as I once did. But leaving that aside I inadvertently came across the site today - I was in no way looking for it - and I thought I should post something new.

The newest news is that I am working on a selection of words which were written over (I think it was) about two days and because they all happened during that time frame I am assuming they are associated with each other - although the association, as I work on them, is best described as loose.

The selection is entitled NINE RHYMES: on getting back in line and I hope to have more to say about it soon. 

JOAN URE AND ME

I was recently asked how I met Joan Ure and began working on songs with her. I replied: I met Betty at a soiree in the West End of Glasgow. We talked. She said she wrote plays. I said I sang songs. We got together and talked some more. I sang some songs. She liked how I sang and began writing words for songs and I wrote some tunes to go with her words. That's it.

A SAP NO MORE - MAYBE

I awoke this morning knowing that I needed to make a page for SO SAID THE SAP on my site at www.skcsongs.com  A page that would include a link to this site where there is so much about what I have said and done over the past few years

Also from now on I think that I will be using that newly made page to post the kind of information which usually appeared here - although I may cross reference it 

A printed sheet of some words entitled THE SAP AND OLD FAITHFUL was lying around on my desk as I decided to do this so this task may have been in the making - with my thoughts only catching up this morning

The plan is to record those words soon and to use them on the new page - and probably on here

RIVER to SEA from TLELL to TIREE

I am still unsure about whether I should have done this but it is now almost complete. The final step is to pay for the production of 300 CDs and have 200 of them sent out to Radio Stations in the UK and in Europe. Or I think that’s where they are going.

The remaining 100 will be mine to distribute most likely to friends and charity shops. A few may be purchased on Bandcamp.

So why the uncertainty.

There were two considerations. Uppermost was the feeling that I had not adequately acknowledged all that Wild Biscuit had brought to my songs and I thought that putting together the first selection of tracks they had worked on with the more recent selection would provide me with the means of doing that.

A small CD of only the more recent selection was a possibility but I thought combining the selections would make it a more representative item - and the cost would be the same. Also when MORE LIKE A RIVER was initially distributed it was to 50 stations only. This time the songs will go to 200.

Perhaps I’ll only know further down the line whether or not it was a good idea. As said, right now, I’m not sure. But what I can definitely say is that one morning I woke up with the words River to Sea in my head and I liked the idea of using that title and that set me off in this direction.

I also enjoyed deciding on the CD cover which will be posted on line in a while.

BEST YET

The occasional forays into promoting a song on REVERBNATION have been remarkably unsuccessful

This time the song DEEP and REAL is doing quite well and even as I post this the count is increasing!

Now at 854 on October 8th